Obama Secrets Revealed!

Journalism's glory days

Where’s  the Weekly World News when you need it?

Not the revived online edition, that looks like – and is perhaps meant to be – a parody of the original supermarket tabloid of the same name. Of course, the original, with its wall-to-wall coverage of Bat Boy, aliens, and demons, was pretty funny on its own. No, we need a serious fake newspaper to spill some of the stories getting a lot of play in the world of Internet conspiracy-theory fans.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m currently doing a bio of the pres-elect. So, as I research one fact or another online, I come across some pretty bizarre sites. And learn things you just won’t find in Dreams from My Father or the mainstream media. Stuff like this:

(Are you ready?)

Barack Obama’s father was not a Kenyan farmboy-turned-scholar. He was…

Malcolm X.

Daddy?

Or maybe a black, one-time communist poet, and friend of Barack’s grandfather in Hawaii, who once wrote about seducing a 13-year-old girl named Anne.

Of course, this Ann had to be Obama’s mother Stanley Ann Dunham, despite the different spelling of the name, and the fact that the seduction took place on the mainland, and Ann was 18 when she had her son. And of course the Malcolm X paternity allegation rests on the slim chance that when Ann made a trip back to Washington state after her family moved to Hawaii, she was in Seattle the exact same time old’ Mal was, and they just happened to meet and have sex. Then a number of people convinced Obama Sr. to marry Ann and pretend to be her bastard son’s father.

It all makes sense to me.

Here are some of the other tidbits. You probably know about the whole birth certificate brouhaha, with some folks claiming Obama was actually born in Kenya, and so is not a natural-born US citizen and therefore cannot be president. And if he wasn’t born there, then it was on the mainland, but the certificate is being kept out of sight so the nefarious father figure can be kept obscure.

You with me?

And then we have the fact that Barack Obama didn’t even write Dreams; it was penned (and I should have seen this) by William Ayers. As part of a plan hatched in the ’80s to groom Obama as a Manchurian candidate for American revolutionaries. My god – it worked! We are up shit creek now.

I’m sure I’m forgetting some of the other revelations that are out there on the Web. I stumble on these sites and I find myself drawn in to the never-ending posts of circumstantial “evidence” and wild speculation that these people string together to prove their case, and I am amazed. And then there are the comments from grateful readers, so happy these bloggers have revealed what Obama has tried so hard to keep hidden, have exposed the lies that have bamboozled us all.

Then I read the comments from doubters and haters, like the one who said one blogger was as crazy as batshit, and I wonder: Maybe I’ve spent way too much time on these sites. But I also wonder: What if these nutcases are right? I will have done such a disservice to my young readers by not including these facts the other media collectively ignore through collusion.

I’m not going to link to any of these sites. You can find them without trying too hard if you want to see how some Americans think.

And remember: the truth is out there.

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~ by mburgan on December 4, 2008.