Cruisin’ Once More

OK, actually Hamilton and not King's Wharf...

Well, well, well. Here we are, you faithful C?WC? readers and me, once again at sea (though if you want to get technical, we’re actually docked at King’s Wharf, Bermuda). Just think, almost 15 months ago to the day, we were just starting the Cruise from Hell (documented representatively here and here), at the very early stages of the New Crisis. Now, I believe, it is a Crisis no more. The divorce is seemingly long past, the house, with just a few snafus along the way, is sold, and I am preparing for the big move to Santa Fe (more on that later).

There has even been a rapprochement – for lack of a better word – of sorts with the Ex. I can honestly say the anger is gone. And even the memory of the pain, once so palpable within every inch of my body and mind and soul, has almost completely faded. I wish her well in her new life. And not to sound caustic or callous, but I have to thank her for doing what she did.

She, I assume, made herself happier than she was when we were together. And she has given me an opportunity to explore new avenues in my life, ones that would not have even appeared on my map if we were still married. The NM move, I believe, will just be the tip of the ol’ iceberg – or maybe the foothills of the mountain I will ascend, to use a more geographically appropriate reference for the high desert of the Southwest.

Bermuda spider (not the technical name, of course) above the rail trail. Holy crap!

But the cruise, the cruise, this was supposed to be about the cruise. So, here’s the skinny: Weather has been spotty, but we have avoided – so far – rough seas. My niece, who is on her first cruise, seems to be having a good time, and I think it’s fair to say we are learning quite a bit about each other and our various life experiences. It is cool to watch kids grow up, whether friends’ kids or relatives, and then be able to relate to them as adults. One of my only regrets about the impending move is truncating the growing relationship with this niece and her siblings, and feeling that I will never have the same kind of relationship with their much younger cousins. I know, maybe some day we’ll have a family reunion in Santa Fe! Or a on cruise! All the cousins and aunts and uncles of all generations! But, um, most likely, maybe not.

Some mighty clear water.

It has been a challenge cramming three adults into a cabin that would be cozy for two, but all in all I think we are holding up OK. No fisticuffs have been exchanged and we are all still talking to each other (but we do have two more days…). Only two full days left; this trip has flown by. I have spent a lot of it alone, as my sister and niece do their own thing, and as a single guy hanging out by himself a lot, I have not met anyone else. Not that I’ve been trying too hard. I mean, I’m open to conversation and interaction, but I don’t seek it out. And everyone else comes with their own group or spouse or partner or relatives who seem to spend a lot of time together. I’m content to read and write and join the activities that do resonate (Celebrity has some wonderful lectures, along with the usual bevy of trivia games. And I even took a dance lesson! Maybe that will be part of the new life in Santa Fe…). And when it comes down to it, watching the ocean scoot by as we sail along, or following the sun’s path as it settles down below the distant horizon on an orange-glow evening, is entertainment enough. Reason enough. The calm all that provides is all I need on a cruise.

So, despite a lot of alone time (for which I had plenty of practice last year on the CFH), this has been a good trip. Relaxing. A needed break from work craziness and the angst of the move (and living with my mother, which is surely deserving of some posts of its own; maybe later. I’m thinking of writing a play about a middle-aged, divorced son who comes to live with his aging mother and hilarity that ensues. In an allusion to the classic Neil Simon play/movie, I was thinking of calling it “Oddest”). I’ve documented my love of cruising at least once here. I know it’s not for everyone, but for me it does bring both peace and fun. (Most times, at least.) I could go off on the things that aren’t so great – and there are always some, no matter what ship or cruise line. But all in all, the energy generated by two thousand people just looking to unwind and have a good time is a nice thing. And having my own positive energy, bolstered by thinking of what (and most certainly who) awaits me in NM, is nice too. Very nice.

So, this post begins the winding-down process of Crisis? What Crisis? As I’ve said before, I want to look forward with only positive eyes when I get to Santa Fe. Record the things I do and the people I meet that keep building on this new sense of inner calm and contentment that has finally come after processing all the divorce crap. Now, I’m not going all touchy-feely on you; there will assuredly be some of the ol’ familiar internal turmoil from time to time along the way. But on the whole, I’m ready to put the past behind me and explore this next phase of my life with energy and excitement and joy. For too long, even before the New Crisis, I had forgotten how to do that. I am ready.

Batter up!

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~ by mburgan on August 22, 2011.

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