The Old and the New

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New Year’s Eve on the Plaza

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2016. As you, my faithful readers, know, it’s been quite a while since the last post here at C?WC?—a little more than six months, in fact. It’s not that the crisis times went on hiatus; far from it, as I tried to navigate another…challenging relationship, though with conflicts and tumult unlike any previously (which made me think today of paraphrasing Tolstoy: All happy relationships are alike; each unhappy one is unhappy in its own way. We had the unhappiness sharply honed far too much for my liking.)

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Christmas Eve–vegan pizza for everybody!

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By the Connecticut River

In the midst of that emotional turmoil, I went back to CT in October, and then again over the recent holidays, once the relationship was clearly over. As much as I love Santa Fe—and my pronouncement of the City Different’s charms has led at least one friend to threaten to push me off  a cliff—I realized that in times of crisis, going “home” to see friends and family has decided pluses. And for the first time on a return trip to the Land of Steady Habits (doesn’t that make you just want to stop whatever you’re doing and move to Connecticut RIGHT NOW?), I actually felt a little homesick. The comfort of turning up that last stretch of Matson Hill and seeing the orchards, strolling through the Wadsworth Atheneum, taking the train to Manhattan for a day of wandering and seeing old friends, spending Christmas Eve with the nieces and nephews—it all felt good.

IMG_5717 (2)Now, those feelings might not have translated into a little wistful longing for the past and stirred thoughts—albeit fleeting—of coming back to CT if things had been hunky dory here. And when I got back to Santa Fe after this last trip, it only took a few seconds of gazing out at the snow-capped mountains on three sides around the city to reaffirm what I’ve thought many times over the past four years—this is where I want to be. I just wish, at times, that I could transport my loved ones here, and maybe a small corner of Matson Hill. Or at least get my friends and family to visit.

I have fairly high hopes for making that wish come true in the New Year. One friend has my promised to come down this way while on a Colorado ski trip; another said May is a likely time for a first visit. And maybe a few people will surprise me.

In the meantime, I’m trying to do some things differently in 2016. Truly let go of the old relationship. Spend more time doing things I enjoy—especially writing. And taking the advice of an old friend who has something of an intuitive streak. She said she could see me opening up my home this year, inviting people over for meals or conversation—something I did too rarely during the Troubled Times of the past two years. And though she didn’t say it, I think a metaphorical opening will be just as potent. Opening myself up to new experiences and, more importantly, new people. Opening my heart to all the positives I want to feel.

As the Crisis has reminded me again and again these past seven years, I ain’t getting any younger. But I can get happier. I think it may start with valuing the old, as I did on those two trips home, while taking in all I can that’s new.

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~ by mburgan on January 2, 2016.

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